Is Possessiveness killing your relationship ?

Hello readers!

 We all keep talking about "relationship problems".."jealousy"..."betrayal"...and very often "POSSESSIVENESS"! Some people believe that possessiveness is one of the hampering elements of a relationship whereas I would say "Over" possessiveness is what brutally and gradually kills your relationship. When we love someone, we naturally tend to become possessive for them. I would rather relate it to a human tendency when he is in love. It is something very natural and nothing to be ashamed of or to worry about. But as we know excess of anything is bad and can be suffocating for the person you love.

Freedom and space is what all of us need for a sound relationship to exist. Your lover may find it difficult to breathe if you tend to become over possessive for him or her. 

• Do you check your lover's phone every now and then ?
• Do you always doubt your lover or spouse whenever he or she welcomingly meets a person of the opposite sex?
• Do you keep a track of your lover's or spouse's facebook account and fight with him or her if anyone flirts?
• Do you start coughing if your partner talks or helps some other girl or boy ?
• Do you fight with your husband if he returns late from office?
• Do you feel whatever you do for your lover or spouse is never valued enough?
• Do you demand proof and justification on every small thing from your lover?
• Do you keep doubtingly hanging around whenever your lover gets a call ?

If the answer to all these questions is "yes" then its time you slow down before you are actually termed as "over possessive". Something what I have learnt from my recent experiences is the more freedom you give to your lover the more smooth and happier your relationship tends to be. In the end its all about "trust" and "understanding" you develop before you actually enter into a relationship. One can never win hearts by being over ruling all the time. We are not their parents to keep a check on them all the time. And believe me people, true love never goes waste and if your love is true it will get back to you at the end of the day no matter what. And just like it is said, if it doesn't get back to you it never was yours.

Sometimes we even create a mind setup as to our lover may be cheating on us for some other girl or boy though our lover may later on, even get proved to be the most loyal person! Its always better to realize things before we end up killing or losing it since just like it is said we only come to know the value of a person or thing once we lose it. So its better late than never to awaken ourselves before we turn over possessive lovers. By becoming over possessive, one only stresses over his mind and body living in worries and anxiety all the time - in turn affecting his own health. Try and set free with trust to strengthen your relationship only and not otherwise. Do not fight over petty issues all the time.

Give love and immense space to your partner. He or she has got a life too and you are not his or her guardian. Let him or her live too and practice on healthy possessiveness which nurtures and builds your relationship and keeps it going for long.

                                                                                                                               -Phalguni Bose

Feuds Strengthen Relationships

Hey readers!

Obsession of  'Relationships' is something we all suffer from. Relationships provide stability to our lives. Now when I talk about relationships, it does not mean 'a girlfriend boyfriend relationship only'. Absolute NO NO!! Relationships are something we build with each and every person we come in contact with in our lives over a period of time and it initially starts with developing our connection with our parents and it gradually grows into connecting with so many people we come across with. When we get attached to someone or something what usually comes to our mind ?? We always want that thing or person to be with us forever in our thick and thin. Isn't it ?? 

The common stress we all go through is the difference of opinions which might come up every now and then when it comes to maintaining relationships. The biggest hardship a relationship suffers is it becomes monotonous after a certain phase of time given to constant routinely endeavours to boost it. Its human nature to demand change. Given to absolute no change may lead to frustrations, disappointments, irritability, quarrels etc. But ofcourse we do treasure the ones we care for. LOVE is something which brings us and keeps us together in all hardships. We all want a stain free relationship but the question is "Is it that easy?"

Well definitely not. All your 365 days in a year can never be the same, all your 30 days in a month can never be the same, all your 7 days in a week can never be the same, all your 24 hours in a day can never be the same just like all your 5 fingers can never be the same! Sometimes there are hard times, tough times, rough times and harsh times. On the other hand, sometimes there are jolly good times, happy times, lucky times, sound times and great times. We all have to go through the BITTER and the SWEET at some or the other point. What I am here to write about is how some dark hours in our relationship can benefit us.

You all must have gone through a phase where you may have seen ups and downs in your relationships specially when it comes with your boyfriend or girlfriend. But somehow when there are prolonged disagreements or disputes in a relationship they somehow turn to be in our favour I believe. This is my personal experience as well that it may happen that you may end up not talking to each other due to some differences but in the long run you start missing each other. You start craving for each other. Dreams of that person start to haunt you every now and then. Guilt thrives in within you and you want to make up for the differences just to get that person back. Similarly, the other person also feels and wants you where the basic need then becomes is expression. Then the moment you go across to express and forgive each other, you find that things have become more smooth and better than before. You find that months of nil communication has somehow benefited you and strengthened your relationship. Yeah but sorry to say it rarely works in case of break ups unless and until there is existence of true love and desire to be together. The situation what I am talking about here is when there is a cold war between you and your lover or disagreements leading to communication gap etc.

The most adored and required relationship is of "Friendship". We all love our friends and treat them like Gods when it comes to seeking advice :P (in special reference to teenagers) I remember having a fight with my best buddy just to due to some sort of differences and believe me, we did not talk to each other for 2-3 months! And when its your best friend like soul-mate you definitely won't resist talking but we did and ended up talking finally where I took the initiative and to my surprise she was just waiting for me to talk to her. This brought us both immense happiness and it was all the more a better relationship we build and things have improved way beyond thoughts. I just can't imagine life without her. She is like my soul-sister and since I don't have a real sister, you can consider her no less than that. Similar situations happened in case of another bestie of mine and we ended up talking realising we missed each other terribly! :D
Those are some of the Good things and good times what life can give you. :D

Then ofcourse the blood relations specially talking of our parents. No doubt we all have discrepancies some or the other time but we never leave them whatsoever. They are the ones who support us being aware of our faults even. You always tend to realise what you should have or not said to your parents after you have done so and this obviously brings you more close to your parents. Happy times surmount, only there is a need to search and believe in it. These were the examples only of some significant relationships that exist in all our lives. Other than this we do have many relationships to deal with in our lives, the formula being the same for all and sometimes we need to leave it to fate believing that 'feuds do strengthen relationships'(if ever they happen)! Its just that I am being a bit positive and trying to show you the positive side of things, no doubt every coin has two sides but one must keep faith-cum-trust in your heart and distance does make you realise things for the better. Just do away with the bitter feelings and "Keep love in your heart 'coz a life without it is like a sunless garden where the flowers are dead". :)

                                                                                                                                                             -Phalguni Bose

A daughter's First Love and a son's First Hero

High and distinctive are your thoughts,

Family's security being your primacy;

Bestow of blessings in your grandeur,

Ain't possible to overlook your ardour !

Questionable though your narrow-minded persona,
Hoping that times might change you. 

Comforting are your available solutions;

Head of the family as you are,

A man of worth is still awaited to match you !

Over and above the mis-understandings suffered,

A father like you is all I desired !

Fulfilling demands being always thy preference,

You are the utmost man with substance !

Entitled as a daughter's first love; a son's first hero,

Least I could do is write a poem for you;

The excursions you plan for every recreation,

Makes living life a thrilling experience !

Indeed unlike other days I am here to wish you,

"A very happy father's day"

Expressing a blissful feeling to a father like you!

                                                                                 -Phalguni Bose

Infatuation

few Lines for a person of my dreams..
few Lines for the one who rules my heart..

                           

                                                         

                                      

                               

                                  Knowing you was something never wanted,

                                  Fondness wasn't something expected,

                                  what grew, what felt, what inclined

                                    Is still a wonder!

                                  Brimming on the surface of emotions,

                                  Recovering from my past adoration,

                                  what grew, what felt, what delighted

                                    Is still a wonder!

                                  Describing your undesirable physique,

                                  Knowing your flirtatious analogue,

                                  what grew, what felt, what attracted

                                     Is still a wonder!

                                  Coming to know the deep you,

                                  Waking up from a dream come true,

                                   I knew, I fell and it all happened

                                    .....And no more a wonder!

                                  

                                       

                                                                                                                    -Phalguni Bose
                               
                               
                                  

Turmoil of Emotions

 Hello Guys and Gals! Its another day, more beautiful than yesterday definitely owing to the awesome weather here in Bhopal. :) Today I would like to share my emotional unstability which I am going through past two months. Its horrifying that how often I am faced with a change in emotion every now and then since this is not the first time. My first time when I faced such a turmoil was when I had my break up and it took me years to gather myself back again and somehow things like this happening again have started to haunt me, may be it is because of what I went through recently-some bad times indeed but I need to and want to come out of this again. And sometimes I feel helpless about it. Most of the times I am irritated due to no peace of mind may be because things are not happening according to me or may be because whenever something good is about to happen it somehow ends up into bad as if some one is doing some black magic or may be just that I become too hopeful on things. 'God alone knows!' I would say. 

I dearly want  to go out of town just for a change and I feel that would work out as "a break is what is much needed" right now. I remember last week one of my friends suggesting me to bring in a stability within me before I actually move out of town. He said I am an extremist when it comes to emotions, i.e. too much happy when HAPPY, too much sad when SAD, too much angry when ANGRY, and so on. After giving a thought to what he said I felt he was so right about me. Apart from this, 24/7 I suffer mood swings and most of the times I unfortunately end up creating a deplorable atmosphere in my house where I manage to bring out the frustrations on my family. And I am sure many of you must be going through this turmoil where you have just stepped into adolescense since its very common at this age and I am in search with how to deal this and I so happened to come across with some 7 steps on "how to become emotionally stable" and here I share the link with you too- http://www.wikihow.com/Become-Emotionally-Stable 

                               

Then I also came across JUDY MOODY and her many moods (Judy Moody being a book series written by Megan MCDonald). Looking at her made me wonder as how a person would actually look like when in such emotions. You too must imagine yourself within such emotions and am sure you'll not stop laughing :D, its that funny I tell you. :P Thus, one must learn to bring in stability and not be like JUDY MOODY all the time. :P It is like people will like you with your CRAZY emotions for sometime but later on they may also get frustrated and irritated with your everyday turmoil and may end up avoiding you. In this world, not everyone knows you closely and it is not so small as we think it is. There is a lot to know, a lot more to experience and lots to learn till we live. Breaking down with emotions is not the solution to every problem. We need to constantly tell ourselves that "we are strong and we can do it and face anything". Someone once told me that "Your problems will also seem to be small if you just smile" :) and I think its true and all of us should follow this. 

         With this dear readers, keep smiling and bring in stability controlling the turmoil of emotions. :)

                                                   

                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                                 -Phalguni Bose

Astrologers' Dominance

Hello readers! This is in reference to my previous post "Astro-Mania" where I had promised to get back to you with my views on astrologers present today. Now when I talk of 'dominance' it refers to the power and influence over the others. If we see the day today influence of the astrologers in most of our lives it can be termed as "Astrologers' Dominance".  I know most of you may be wondering as to why did I choose to write on such a topic when I have so many emerging teenage problems due to generation gap. Well here I would like to tell you all that since few days I certainly have developed a rapid interest over astrology and the first thing I do everyday when I pick up the newspaper to read is to go through my daily horoscope. And I must even tell you that I don't even remember the various things I read but it is something which still makes me curious. Though I have had this curiosity earlier as well but considering my bad times recently, may be it has build it more. Thus, I chose this blog as a medium to share it and discuss it with you people.

I know that bad times do not last and I also believe in that "whatever happens, happens for good". Then why do people like me still end up in trusting these things during such times?? However, I know I never have had a blind faith on these but I want to make people aware of the mis-happenings in case they don't deal with it cautiously. Talking of the ancient times astrologers were the most believed and the trusted ones but the changing times have made them greedy for money ending up into fraud. Today we cannot trust these people blindly, reading daily horoscopes in the newspaper or over the internet is fine but going to an astrologer and asking him questions personally about the future may seemingly look the best but may not be in the best of interests considering today's fraud mentality of the people. They may just sweep you off your money in abundance.

Think about what happens during a visit with an astrologer: someone holds your hand (even if only figuratively), looks you in the eye, and explains how you, as an individual, are actually connected to our entire cosmos. You are told how mysterious forces in the universe around us, far greater than ourselves, work to shape our intimate destinies. You are told relatively flattering things about your character and life, and in the end you are naturally pleased that someone cares about you. In the hectic and generally disconnected modern society, you feel connected - both to another human being and to the world around you.

                                                     Reality of today's astrologers 

The above video shows the reality of today's astrologers. The criminals have made this their profession so that people do not doubt them. They have ended up making spiritualism a joke in today's times. What we have from the astrologers, then, is personal advice and personal attention from a kindly authority figure. Planets? They don't really have anything to do with the matter - the planets are simply the excuse and they use it as a weapon for the meeting. All the talk about ascensions and quadrants serve to make the astrologer appear to be an expert and authority figure, thus setting the stage for the quality of the encounter. In reality, the charts and horoscope are just smoke screens to deflect your attention from what is really going on, which is a cold reading. This is simply an old carnival trick, employed today with great success not just by astrologers, but psychics and mediums and hucksters of all brands.

None of this is to say that astrologers' advice is never any good. Like a telephone psychic, even though the advice is usually very vague and general, it can often be better than no advice at all. Some people just need another person to listen to them and show some concern for their problems. On the other hand, astrologers who recommend against particular marriages or projects because of the "stars" might be providing disastrous advice. There is, sadly, no way to differentiate between the two. Ending up, I never say not to believe astrology but one must not have a blind faith and talking about astrologers, hardly anyone can be trusted these days unless and until you get a conclusive proof in the form of results by the forecast made by them. So readers, be alert and safe and keep following till my next post! :)

                                                                                                                             -Phalguni Bose

Astro-Mania

Hey readers !! Its been long time and I have undoubtedly missed blogging like anything. :| And here am back again with something more interesting, something which INTERESTS me a LOT these days.. :D and off late it made me wonder as to why do people believe in such things like "Astrology" !!! The answer to the question lies very much in the same realm as why people believe in just about any superstition. Astrology offers a number of things which many people find very desirable: information and assurance about the future, a way to be absolved of their current situation and future decisions, and a way to feel connected to the entire cosmos. 

Astrology shares this with many other beliefs which tend to be categorized as "New Age," for example the idea that nothing in life is truly coincidental. On this view of life, everything which happens to us, even the smallest or seemingly most insignificant event, happens for some particular reason. Astrology then claims to provide at least some of the answers as to why they happen, and perhaps even a way to predict them in advance. In this way, astrology purports to help people understand their lives and the world around them - and who doesn't want that?

 In a sense, astrology does work. As practiced today, it can work quite well. After all, most of those who visit an astrologer end up feeling satisfied and feeling that they have benefited. What this really means is not that astrology has accurately predicted the person's future, but rather it means that visiting an astrologer or having a horoscope cast can be a fulfilling and personally satisfying experience.

I personally believe that when a person is heart broken and has suffered some loss in any walk of his life, he tends to start believing in things like ASTRO just to assure oneself that something good might happen or is yet to come. I too feel that being entirely dependent on such cosmos is not what one is expected of rather it all depends on a person's "Karma" and as it is said "what he sows, he reaps!" So one must focus on hardwork accompanied with efforts and perseverance to achieve what he wants to instead of just depending on some xyz astrologer all the time to relax you and calm you with his soothing words. Now that doesn't mean that all astrologers are fake, ofcourse to some extent they may be right since I too have experienced this but your work and efforts are what actually determine such future facts told to you by them.

Do you think that astrologers are the most trusted people always ? Or how to know which one is an honest astrologer ? I will surely come up with this in my next blog till then keep following and do give a thought to the above. :)

                                                                                                                            -Phalguni Bose